So this morning I woke up thinking that I couldn’t possibly continue on fooling myself into thinking I was enough for Daddy. I don’t completely understand why it is Daddy likes what he likes or how intense it could get. And honestly I think that is the problem. Instead of being honest with Him I acted as if I understood everything. In reality I do not understand.
I tried talking to Him about my feelings but I couldn’t seem to get them out constructively. So Daddy suggested that I take time to think about everything and call Him back when I was ready to talk to him about it. So I did think about it and I called Him back two hours ago with no answer. To me this is important and needs to be figured out but the longer He goes with not talking to me the more I am going to pull away. Daddy did say he feels as though I do not completely trust him. For me trust needs to be earned and He is asking me to put 100% blind trust in Him. I don’t know that I can do that so soon. I have had a very hard time with trust in the past which I thought He understood that.
As I sit here thinking about exactly what I want to say to Him I am feeling the bond I felt last weekend slip away. A part of me is ok with that and ok with having to move on and part of me does not want to loose Him from my life. It is all very confusing. I guess I am stuck with my thoughts for now.